Elusive Things: The Karma Chronicle

I've been slacking it appears.

It's strange how life works. You seem to get the things you don't really want; but the things you really want ... you can struggle and struggle for and may never grasp them.

I really want a home; a family; but that's all been done and may not come my way again.

I really want stability; taking a leap of faith isn't very stable.

This could turn into a perception chronicle.

I've been offered the Direct TV job in Boise ... (that's four hours away from here) and I've been accepted to Boise State University and financial aid is willing to pay for me to attend. Sounds like a great opportunity. Why am I so god damn scared.

Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Alanis Morisette - Everything


I can be an asshole of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

And you’re still here
And you're still here...

Cheddar Whizzzzyyy

The rain has finally stopped. My sleeping habits haven't changed at all. Drifting off about 4 a.m. just to be smashing the snooze button at 6. You'd think the 12 hour days would be making me exhausted. Apparently its only affecting my creative brain. My body just isn't tired, not even fatigue, though I can't concentrate long enough to get a logical thought on paper. This entry is obviously no exception.

I appreciate the comment Fhayzzzzer (every time I do that, I can't get that guy and his voice out of my head. The one on the goofy movie who does the leaning tower of cheeeesssa with the cheese whiz.) and yeah ... my list is nearing two legal pads of things to do. Three more things added to day and nothing crossed off. There's that shared reality thing huh?

I seem to have missed the drama unfold on Terra's Playground. She's removed those postings. (insert some of Wilson's wise old comments here .. (home improvement)) Well, She seems like a tough nut ... She doesn't need to take anyone else's BS.

Anyway ...

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."

Edgar Allen Poe

1:00 a.m. Way past time that I give night time dreaming another try. ;)

Rainy Days & Sleepless Nights

As strangely beautiful the storm is ... it has it's way of affecting moods. It's been raining non-stop for four days now. It seems that I haven't slept in as long. It's odd how I love the gloomy weather so much, I'm happiest when the sky is gray and over cast and the hint of a rain storm is on it's way.

I plan all day ... creating to do lists and checking over them to make sure I've missed nothing. Though when I'm home at last my mind begins to wander and I make up new projects as I go ... after cleaning the damn house of course. I did finally dig into a project for a friends Web Developing business. I'm mixing the music and sound effects for his clients page.

Just because I'm such a nice guy, I let the cats in out of the rain. In thanks they proceed to take over the house ... two on the couch and one who loves my computer chair. Everywhere I go I have to shoe cats away. Good thing I like them. ;)

A friend gave me an article a few weeks ago. It talks about how writers are the worlds best procrastinators ... finding any excuse not to write. Nah ... not me! I love to write. hummm ... I successfully put off writing anything today and I actually had today off. Where is that article on writer's block? I'm going to need that. ;)


Boomerang Thoughts

Boomerang Thoughts: Thoughts that suddenly get lost somewhere in the great void and then slowly return when you least expect them to.

An exercise in free writing: Just put your hands on the keyboard and let them fly. Spelling, Grammar, who gives a shiznit? It's too bad you can't loose weight with this exercise. The more thoughts you dump onto the paper the more poundage you lose. This root beer gut has to go!

Perception Chronicles? Can you say "they suck!?" ... My self promotion needs some improving too I see. I'm my own worst critic. Although, if I expect anyone to "want" to read my stuff, it has to be better. I constantly rewrite the articles I've already posted, sometimes in lieu of writing new posts. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my writing, even letters or notes. (Not my free writing obviously!)

So ... Um ... Why do I need to communicate these Chronicles? Why do humans need to communicate?

physical Issues - To be happy, physically, emotionally?
Social Issues - To be included, part of a circle of friends and share ideas?
Practical Issues - To hopefully influence someone with our ideas?
Identity - ah! That's a huge one! Who am I? ... I have no clue ... It's a matter of perception. (Everything is a matter of perception!) How do I see the world? How do I want to see the world? How does the world see me? An ol' cadger who writes depressing Chronicles. ;) Well ... I do have a sense of humor. I just forget where it is sometimes. Alzheimer's ya know. Can't even spell that word. I guess in my case it's Sometimer's.

Over all my Perception Chronicles seem to fulfill all those requirements ... My readers, however, require it to be worth reading ... That may need a little tweaking.

Forthcoming will be ... (Ivy League words are cool!) an article on an idea I'm kicking around about shared reality. Everyone has one base reality that we all share ... Then we build our own reality on top of that. Interesting concept. I have only a few ideas of where to go with that one. And the garbage can is full, so ... Process of elimination is cool too!

And you all thought Millty's thoughts were whacked. ;) I wonder what was in those brownies ... hmmm ... Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Now there's a strange reality. hmmm... How can I blend that into a shared reality? Gotta go write ... I actually have an idea. (nope ... no clues ... just an idea)

Things you'd love to say at work but can't

* I see your point, but I still think your full of shit.
* I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce
* How about never? Is never good for you?
* I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
* I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way
* I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter (deja vu ay Millty?)
* I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message ...
* I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
* It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying
* Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again ...
* I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
* You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
* I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
* I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
* I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
* Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
* The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
* Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
* What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
* I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
* It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
* And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be...?
* Do I look like a people person?
* This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
* I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
* Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
* You've always wanted to be someone? You should have been more specific.
* If I throw a stick, will you leave?
* Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
* Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
* I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
* A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
* Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
* Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
* Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
* Chaos, panic, & disorder ... My work here is done.
* How do I set a laser printer to stun?
* I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.